Great day for freedom

I mean, great day for free food! My company has vendors come in to prmote their stuff. Whilst i am a lowly webmonkey and not allowed to attend said vendor events, we do get to pick over the leftovers. Not only was there a lunch and a breakfast, the meeting before mine left their lunch meeting leftovers for us. I've eaten a bushel of Red seedless grapes today

I'm actually still stuck at work because my ibd is being bad. I've switched my 30 mg pred to the am- so far all it does is make me emotional and give me hot flashes in the afternoon. My 6mp was increased to 150 mg on Monday, which sounds like a lot until I remember I'm obeeeeeeeese. Dosage is usually mg/kg and I've added a few kg recently. But that is honestly not something I'm remotely dealing with. I try to eat a balanced diet, avoiding triggers and hard todigest foods, but I can't deal with being hungry, so I eat often. And I don't exercise. I want to, but it's hard to go for a walk when you don't know when you're gonna have to go. There's treadmills at work, but exhausted. Meh, try again next week.

I think I should start taking the 6mp on a empty stomach instead of w dinner. Maybe it'll be more effective and make me nauseas so I won't want to eat all the time!

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tantrum

i'm so pissed. i had to go back to 30 mg of pred. i was so ill this morning, just like the bad old pre-6mp days. is this shit even working?? fuckity fuck!

i was really hoping to be off the roids by my b-day, then start loosing this disgusting weight i gained. i'm a freaking whale. i got nasty stretch marks everywhere and just look totally gross. what i wouldn't do to be back at 170 lbs. gee, i used to think i was fat back then, lol

i'm cutting all my hair off on saturday. i'm bald on one side from my stupid ocd hair pulling. the pulling is bad, but now the hair isn't growing back the way it used to. i'm just so frustrated. i make plans and start to feel like a normal person, then this monster inside starts chewing on my guts and sending me back to square one. i'm so freakin tired. i slept all day sunday. everyday i wake up and just want to go back to sleep.

Remission party postponed

Last visit to the gi doc, he was happy I was becoming a "boring" patient. Steroid taper was going smoothly, 6mp was taking hold bloodwork looked good. I started looking forward to moving from fake remission to real remission.

Anyway, those plans are now on hold. In a cruel April fools prank, my symptoms are back, even afte increasing back the pred and increasing 6mp. I've been really bummed about it. The most annoying bit are the return of the mouth sores. My tongue is all owwie and all I want to do is drink crushed ice. Though I finally ate at Rita's yesterday and it was awesome. So are cold stone creamery smoothies.... Mmm bananarific.

In other health news, those extreme headaches sent me back to the Ear/nose/throat doc because I thought they were sinus. But after sticking various tubes all up in my face, he determined my sinuses were fine. And sent me to a neuro. My neuro is awesome, and he sent me for an MRI. I went yesterday and learned that I am claustrophobic. I never felt a fear response like that before. I was pretty calm, got in the machine, then all of a sudden my body caught fire and I had to get out. We actually just watched a character on Lost get an MRI, so I felt prepared for the cage on my head and stuff, but expected a panic button. I wasn't sure the tech could hear me so I kicked my feet to get her attention and shouted "please get me out" until I was out. I felt pretty embarassed, but figured I could calm myself down and try again. Now that I knew how dark it would be and that she could hear me and I could hear her, I figured I'd be ok. Nope, I calmly went in then felt all firey again immediately. It wasn't something I could cowgirl up and deal with for 20 minutes. So they got me out again. I felt like a total failure and a total weenie. Apparently I can deal with tunes going in me, but not me going in a tube.

Holy crap, just writing about it is making me all twitchy.

Anyway, luckily they had an open MRI and I was able to deal with that (though it was still freaky). Hopefully it's good enough for the neuro - office was closed Saturday and I didn't think it was severely important enough to page him. If it's not and he needs regular MRI, I'd have to find a place to knock me out and stuff, because I don't think Valium and hugging a Teddy bear would be enough, and I'm pretty sure they don't allow flashlights in the MRI tube.



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