puffy

i feel like the stay-puft marshmallow girl. i am so sick of my puffy steroid face. i'm so ugly and disgusting. i've always been chubby, but at least before it was all in my butt. now it's all on my face. it's so gross. i hate it so much. this must be some kind of karmic revenge for all my not-nice thoughts about other big girls, like i felt better than them because i was under 200 lbs and had a pretty face. now i'm as big as all the girls i'd look down on. and i look like a freaking puffer fish.

a week of good days comes to an end

i realized this morning i have a number of missed entries. i've been extremely busy, but i've also been feeling pretty good. i want to write more when i'm pissy apparently. i was in a nasty mean mood yesterday, but was awake and not in pain. i just cussed alot. but today, i'm exhausted and everything hurts, so i'm whiny. i'm still taking 30 pred, but was going to switch to 25 today. but i've just been having an bad uc day already. so maybe i won't

knock on wood

oh wow, this is a good day :) sure, i'm a little tired, a little blue, and have a little headache, but yeah, i'd count this as a good day. and i've been busy at work today. let's hope this keeps up :) i made the right choice holding at 30 this week. maybe next week i can reduce.

headache from hell, day 2

ever have a headache so bad, you take a percoset, and the pain just laughs at you and gets worse? yeah, that's the headache i had yesterday. woke up with it, tried to go to work anyway, eventually gave up and went home. couldn't sleep it off because the pain was so bad. took a percoset and it was an effective as a tic tac. now i have a headache-hangover -- i'm afraid of it coming back full-force, but so far tylenol is keeping it at bay. i'm trying to pin down what may have triggered it, but not coming up with anything. the weirdest thing i ate was 7/11 chicken wings. maybe that was it? i would've thought the prednisone taper, if i had tapered this week, but i'm holding steady at 30 due to having 3 bad days last week. and today is sort of a bad day. i guess. i have to redefine "bad day" -- because by some definitions, all my days are bad days. then again, any day you wake up is a good day :) any day i can leave the house is a good day. any day i don't wear depends is a good day.

anyway, yes, i had 3 bad tummy days last week. the day after my doc visit (just like taking a car to the shop -- starts making the noise again AFTER the mechanic says they found nothing wrong), thursday, and part of saturday and sunday. and today kinda. but today was bad in a different way. those were D days, today was a B day. I don't like B days. B days make me think i need to reup on steroids, and i hate those things. i'm so disgusting. i'm a big bloated mess. i feel like a freaking whale, but i really hate hate hate dieting. can't they invent something that makes you waste away the way prednisone makes you bloat up? it seems so unfair. i kinda wish i could go back to last may, with all the bleeding and sickness at least i was skinnier. back then before i was all depleted and useless, and just had UC. why do i feel sicker after all this medical intervention?

Compassionate use bill passes in NJ!

woo hoo! Finally, we can stop prosecuting sick people for smoking weed. There was just a huge trial in my hometown for some guy with MS. Waste of taxpayer dollars to put this guy in jail. The medical establishment might still be debating the merits of marijuana, but it can't be any more harmful than the drugs they already sell us. Ask anyone that's watched the end stages of cancer, as their loved one becomes an oxy-zombie. Maybe the end could've been a little easier for my dad if we could've gotten his appetite back, or if he could've taken the edge of with a little MJ instead of getting totally knocked out by oxy. He would've died either way, but probably suffered less.... and if medical science can't prevent death, at least we can use it to alleviate suffering.

http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2010/01/medical_marijuana_question_answers.html

What diseases will make a patient eligible to get medical marijuana?

Cancer, glaucoma, seizure disorders (including epilepsy), Lou Gehrig’s disease, multiple sclerosis, muscular dystrophy, severe muscle spasms, HIV/AIDS, inflammatory bowel disease (including Crohn’s disease), any terminal illness if a doctor has determined the patient will die within a year, or any other medical condition or treatment that is approved by the state health department.

headache

i spend today in a dark room, trying to keep my head from exploding. Dr. Google is no help.

wotd: tired

i hate waking up tired. i am so wiped out today. i was tempted to stay home, but i'm glad i came in. my colleague is home sick today. if it weren't january, i may have stayed home, but i don't want to run out of vacation days before the end of the year. and i'm just tired, everything else is pretty ok *knocks on wood*

it just sucks that even when i try to take it easy, i still end up tired. and being tired just makes everything that much harder. which makes me cranky. i need a nap!

wotd: relaxing

hung out with hubs and friend from college most of the day. got some knitting done. had a delicious breakfast of bagel with lox (mmmmmm so good). when my friend hit the road, i snuggled in the bed to watch the playoffs, and took a nice nap. woke up to see the awesome end to the cards/packers game (though i really wanted green bay to win, that was a nice game). hubs made yummy dinner. did some more knitting. went back to bed. yup, a perfectly relaxing lazy sunday. i need more of those :)

wotd: reunion

got together with a bunch of folks i used to be on the newspaper with in college. good times. i forgot how funny these people were. i have a tendency to turn beet red, so this was a game back in the day to see who could make me blush the most. lots of giggling ensued. i hope we get together and do it again, and don't wait 10 years.

another bad day :(

gotta email dr. I, woke up to another bad day. but i got my heating pad and it's friday so hopefully it'll be an easy one. yesterday i had a pretty good day. i think i'll need to hold steady at 30 mg pred for another week -- i'm afraid 25 will push me out of fake remission. i'm eager to get off the dang steriods, but i know the 6mp probably isn't working yet. patience, grasshopper.

wotd: paperwork

just got done filing away all my adp fsa claim forms for 2009, just in time to start my forms for 2010! adp hates trees -- there are so many forms! and i can't send them via email, i have to print them out and fax them over. how silly! i love when they request receipts though -- pretty much, only my walgreens charges go through without them asking for a substantiation form. but every doctor's office and hospital visit needs a form. like what the heck else am i purchasing at "Somerset Medical Center" for $250 except my hospital deductible? or "Mount Sinai Hospital" for $20? at least it's easy for me to fill out the form online, print it, and walk over to our fax machine to send it out. how do folks without laid back office jobs do it? kinkos? well, at least ADP will be able to keep people in jobs, what with all the paper coming in. it's more likely just faxing over to a robot or OCR scanner, but i'd like to imagine that there are humans involved somewhere. otherwise, it's just computers making more work for other computers.

word of the morning: agony

omg, i was so tempted to stay home today. the pain is excruciating. i had a couple good days in a row, and didn't need my heating pad at work, but today is a two heating pad day. i wish i had two heating pads. i'll be switching between my crampy sad tummy and my achey colon. it's like it's mocking me -- i just got done telling the doc on monday that i felt 20% better than last month. now i'm having a craptacular day. i already had to run down the hall once today, and i just got here! bah.

i just wish there were something i could take to make the spasms stop, but not knock me all the way out like prescription painkillers do. i took some tylenol, but i don't expect it to do anything. the tylenol was for the headache i woke up with. so far, all it's done is chase the headache from the left side of my head to the right side of my head.

it's frustrating, the ups and downs, but at least it was quiet yesterday and i was able to make it down for my bro in law's birthday dinner.

wotd: diet

i've always been on some kind of diet, and now i'm back on the "eat like a normal person" diet. i've been such a brat on pred and eating whatever isn't bolted down or running away and the time for that is over. eventually, i'd like to get back to my 1500 calorie/ day nutritionist prescribed diabetic chick diet, but i know if i try that right now i'll fail miserably. so i'm just being more aware of what i eat, trying to make better choices, and eat less and less until i get to where i need to be.

now that i'm weaning off prednisone i don't have crazy munchies. I'm also not eating garbage anymore(no more fast food). i had an ensure shake, 2 kelloggs protein bars, a microwave can of chicken noodle soup, and some granola bars. still high calorie, but also high protein to hopefully stave off hunger. also a bit more nutritious than what i've been eating before. plus, by keeping my blood sugar steady, it should be easier for me to lose weight again.

at night, we met up for my brother in law's birthday dinner. it was fun being with hubs' family, and the food was delicious! i did go a bit overboard at dinner, but it was goood. italian wedding soup that was loaded with veggies, shrimp and angel hair pasta with a bold plum tomato and garlic sauce, a little calamari, and a chocolate lava cake mmmmm. so the cake was naughty, but it was soo good. and i won't have dessert again for the rest of the week. baby steps and moderation, even moderation.

word of the day: Gothamphile

today I journeyed into nyc to see awesome Mt. Sinai doc. took about 2 hrs and 20 minutes to get from my front door to the reception desk, even though some idiots had an accident on the turnpike and tried to make me late. otherwise, the drive to hoboken was uneventful, the walk from the parking deck to the path station was bitterly cold. i stopped somewhere to try to buy a scarf, but they were all sold out. the lady at the store loved my bag though, so then i was all warm and happy from the compliment. i love my bag - my sis found it for me and it's purple and black zebra and completely ridiculous, but it fits all my crap without being enormous and bland. anyway, this is a post about nyc, not purses.

mmmm delicious nyc street food -- and convenient cold weather gear!

path ride was quick, jumped off at christopher street and snagged a cab uptown. got to the office 20 minutes early. and waited and waited. this guy always runs a little behind, but today was superbehind. that's ok though -- i take the whole day off work and have ideas for hanging out in the city after the appointment, but if it runs late, I save those nyc plans for another day. probably in the spring, when it's not -20 degrees out.


doc visit went really well. i admit, i'm feeling much better than i did in nov/dec. fake remission has its benefits. but the side effects of the pred are wearing me out -- i'm so fat and puffy, my cheeks are all puffed up and red. the flushing sucks and the night sweats are annoying. luckily, the insomnia is much less, but i think that's because i got completely sleep-deprived and just cannot physically stay awake. but we're going to continue tapering off while we wait for the 6mp to work. he was cautiously optimistic that i might be able to avoid surgery. this was great news! i was so resigned to it, and totally expected this visit to be all about setting up dates with surgeons, but instead it's just back to wait and see. yeah, it's annoying and i'm impatient, but as long as my symptoms are mostly under control (which they are atm) and i don't deteriorate, i might actually not need surgery right away. woo hoo! plus, even if the 6mp doesn't work, and i do end up needing surgery, a few more months of waiting will help me be healthier for surgery, so recovery would be easier. so i go back in about a month to make sure i'm still on track. so i'm gonna try to not fixate on UC this month. which will be easier now that my symptoms are mostly under control. yay!

then we went to lunch at one fish two fish, right across the street from mt. sinai. omg, it was so good. the seafood bisque was so delicious and warm, it was a great day for soup. i had crab legs and a lobster and red velvet cake... mmmmmm. hubs got fried catfish and pecan pie -- i helped him with the pie. since the appointment took so long, we decided to skip any other nyc activities and just headed home. we escaped nyc ahead of rush hour and i fell asleep on the drive home.

ice rainbow

i'm such a tourist whenever i go to nyc. i have no shame about whipping out my camera and taking dumb pictures. whatever, i love nyc. sometimes i miss working in the city, but when you work there, all the little annoying things about crowded cities add up and make you hate it. i'd much rather go for visits rather than have to go there everyday. and in the winter, the buildings make giant wind tunnels that blow the heat right out of you. though i really miss nyc on gorgeous summer days -- i used to grab lunch, sit in madison square park, and people watch for an hour. that is 1000% better than anything you can find in corporate park, nj.

word of the day: happiness

today was a happy time, all across the universe. got up early, go chocochip pancakes for breakfast, the dude at walgreens was friendly and nice, my football team won the game, had a blast watching the game with friends, drove up to see my mom and sis and go to the movies, the movie was pretty cute, went to the diner for dinner and ate delicious scallops. drove home and cuddled with mags. going to bed and tomorrow heading to nyc to see the doc. had a little gurgling, burbling, and pain, but again, no accidents no urgency and no bleeding. fake remission is here!

also, added a cornify button to the site. i have it in my browser so if i need instant happiness on any page, i can summon rainbows and unicorns. sparkly happiness is just a click away!

look at that face, and that belly! that's my snuggle buddy.

word of the day: alpaca!

omg, totally yarn splurge. and got to see the babies at the farm. today was a gorgeous day - everything just went smoothly.

hubs brought me delicious breakfast yummmmmm

dropped off my car for service at the mechanic.

went to the mall to have my glasses adjusted - turned out they were totally busted and i needed new frames. they happened to have them in stock, for $40. cheap! i was in and out in less than 30 minutes.

spent time with the crias and got lovely yarn

lunch was delicious. had a weird craving for shecrab soup, and the diner just happened to have seafood bisque! it was goood.

did a little errands/shopping - even walmart and it wasn't horrible!

expected to pay between $700-$1000 for car repairs, was about $200. and was ready as soon as we were done with errands.

i'm so used to swimming upstream, it's awesome to just go with the flow.

perhaps llamas are good lluck?

ever see jon stewart, on weed?

aww yeah, half baked is on! too bad christie is gonna put the kibosh on medical mj in nj -- would prefer a little buzz to ease the pain than taking more narcotics and getting totally knocked out tonight. if pfizer could find a way sell weed as a prescription drug, you would be go down to walgreens and just pay a copay. drug policy in the US is about $$, not patient care.

word of the day: sleep

I've transformed from a 30 yr old woman, to a 90 yr old lady, to a 5 yr old cat. i wake up, eat, go to sleep, repeat. today i went to take a short nap and didn't wake up until 4 pm. it was a good day for it though - i had no plans. and my colon and i were sleeping at the same time, which is nice. usually, when i try to sleep at night, she wants to stay up. so when we're on the same page, it's good to catch up on the beauty sleep. besides, now i'll be well-rested for the rest of the weekend -- a trip to the llama farm tomorrow, followed by a video game playing marathon, the football sunday and a drive up to see a movie with my mom and sis. monday, a trip to nyc. yeah, good thing i stocked up on sleep today.

Happy New Year!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Best wishes for a fabulous 2010! Celebrate even if the champagne is invisible; dance even if the music is only in your head.