back from vacation

took a week off to just enjoy myself. tried to ignore/manage/suppress UC symptoms as much as possible, ate whatever, and ignored diabetes entirely. Did not see a change for better or worse. Now to get back on track.

I don't think SCD is working or is going to work. It really is too hard for me to maintain. Seeing new GI doc and hoping to try steroids and imuran. the problem with buying in to a diet-based treatment plan is that I feel so overly responsible for the symptoms i'm having. I don't need more reasons to beat myself up. at night i wonder, is it something I did? did i eat too much applesauce? why is this still happening and why is it getting worse? i've noticed some general things and I'll probably stick to them, but after 3 weeks and the input from the new GI guy, I don't think it's worth it anymore.

Avoid raw veggies and fruits, cook everything
minimize stuff with seeds, nuts, high-fiber stuff, beans
avoid bread, pasta, rice, soy, wheat, potatoes and most dairy
keep eating the yogurt because it's yummy, easy, and cheap.
keep eating eggs because they are also yummy, easy and cheap

to the pb whiners

oh snap, it was raining on your side of the field? it was bright and sunny on our side, gorgeous perfect weather. and we had free pony rides in the deadbox while waiting to reinsert.

no wonder you packed up your toys and went home.

21 - Sunday

Yesterday I had a blast at paintball, even though it rained the entire time. This is probably TMI, but my overdrugging myself only took the edge off, and did not cure everything completely like i hoped it would, but I overcame those struggles and had fun anyway. I've been using the always infinity for protection, and carried a few of their freshening wipes they have now just in case. definitely made me feel more secure during the game. I just can't bring myself to wear the official adult protective stuff -- besides, most of that seems designed for different issues, not IBD.

I’m gonna have repercussions now for what I did to myself with medicine, so I had to wring every last bit of fun out of the moment to make the next few days worth it. I always have some immodium aftershocks, and between the saturday wedding and taking a megadose yesterday with a nulev chaser, i expect my body to bring the pain.

Foodwise, I took some risks but hopefully not too bad. yogurt for breakfast, an orange and 2 slim jims for lunch during the day, dinner was shrimp and scallop scampi with asparagus. it was served over rice, so I probs ate a few grains, but whatevs. also had cream of crab soup, which was sooo good! there were things in it that looked like noodles, but also coulda been pieces of crab or imitation crab, so since it was impossible for me to tell and they were yummy, i ate them. i know scd works best with fanatical adherence, but I can't maintain that level. I hope my 85-95 percent rule works out. I'm not gonna drive myself and everyone around me crazy 24-7. Control what I can, whenever I can, as much as I can, but accept what I cannot control. I'm not gonna refuse food because it's not perfect, but I'll try to get as close to perfect as possible.

20 - saturday

I was up and down all night. i felt like i got hit by a truck on saturday. according to the scale, I dropped 6 lbs. woo hoo! lol, i know it's just dehydration. but it was nice seeing 197.

i slept most of the day then got up for the wedding. not taking any chances, took immodium and grabbed the always. had an absolute blast! music and dancing was great, met total strangers and had fun conversations. bride and groom were lovely. i hope they like our gift -- i made amigurumi piggies based on the picture on their wedding website. The lady at the hallmark store thought they were cute. i might have to make one of my own to keep :)

I was good about food too. during cocktail hour, DH hunted down things that were legal and kept me away from temptation, mostly :) I did enjoy a few drinks. gotta live a little. I got the Chateaubriand entree, and it was so incredibly good! I could only eat half. In my old days, I woulda housed the whole thing, and the mashed potatoes. as it was, I did not stuff myself and just avoided the potatoes like they weren't even there. I did eat a roll though, because I haven't had freshly baked white bread anything since december. it was fabulously good! i hope i did enough dancing to burn most of it off :) I got pretty drunk off sweet tini's -- peach, peach, watermelon, more peach, plus champagne, gin and tonic, and more champagne. But then i had a kamikaze that was so sour, it took forever to drink and i sobered up. weird. Also, I did not eat any cake. I seriously wanted to, but gave into other temptations and could walk away from frosting goodness. go me!

19 - Friday

Friday night suuuuucked. I don't know what I did. it sucks that almost every friday night, when i finally get a chance to relax, i spend it trapped in the bathroom. maybe it takes time for scd to work, maybe it's just hopeless at this point. maybe i need to use steriods now and use the dietary changes to maintain remission. i just want a normal life. meh, not even a normal life, just a chance to play video games and not have to keep getting interrupted by my body. i have enough interruptions from everyone else!

meringues

from pecanbread

MERINGUES
by Heather

4 egg whites
dash of salt
1/2 cup honey
parchment paper

Make sure your bowl and whipping attachment are dry as one drop of water will ruin your meringues.
Let the eggs sit out on counter until room temperature.
Separate eggs by putting the whites in a bowl and either throwing away the yolk or saving it for a custard.
Whip up the egg whites until they are white and stick to the spoon.
Slowly drizzle the honey in and add a dash of salt.
Spoon small dollops onto parchment paper that has been fitted to a cookie sheet. Only use parchment paper, as all others will cause meringues to stick.
Turn oven on to 150.
If your oven does not go that low, turn it to the lowest setting. You can turn your oven off for an hour, then back on for 5 minutes and then back off again for another hour to maintain a very low temp. and do this until cookies are done.

Cookies should be dried out, not baked and this process goes for maybe 2-3 hours.
If the meringues start to turn brown on the edges, your oven is too hot and you should turn off the heat and crack the oven door open.

Your cookies should turn out the color of honey, but a lighter shade, in an all over even color.
You need to monitor this by taking peeks in at them every half hour.
Meringues can be tempermental.

18 and slacking

i've been slacking on blogging, i'm totally cranky today. I'm gonna backdate for the 29th and 30th, but i was more cheerful those days than today.

saw wolverine last night, it was awesome. but now i'm tired and cranky. also didn't have anything substantial to eat for breakfast (eggs and yogurt are gone, didn't want to eat farmer cheese at work). had two bananas though. chicken came out awesome. wish i brought some carrots though. this is definitely alot of work, glad i did a bunch of cooking last night.

somehow i am obsessed with dunkin donuts. all i want to do is go buy a dozen donuts and eat them all! seriously bad cravings. i went to sleep last night thinking what 12 would i pick. it's gonna be hard being good at the wedding and at paintball. maybe i should make some scd safe desserts to enjoy instead.