blarg

i like the not eating and losing weight aspect of this thing. i've always struggled with eating too much. i've never experienced the opposite. is this how skinny people normally feel? no wonder they can't put it away like i can. it's pretty bitchin... i'm down to 215, though most of that is still pred weight and should have been easy to lose. 25 to go until i'm back at pre-steroid weight, then another 20 to get to 2005 hottie weight. I don't think I can get much under 170 without involving amputations or giving up butter. and life without butter is not living.

the annoying thing though is i am such a picky eater now. and i'm getting afraid to eat yummy things. last night i ordered indian food from a place I ate at before without problems. even their mild food is spicy to me now. i got this awesome chicken gassi -- like a coconut/tamarind curry sauce... omg so good! and after a few bites was like, i probably shouldn't eat this anymore. so i moved on to the goat biryani. also incredibly good! but again, too spicy for my paranoia. the lentils and tandoori chicken that hubs got looked good, but were spicier than what i had already eaten (according to his palate, which tolerates much hotter stuff than mine!). so i didn't want to eat those either. so i had some naan and decided i wasn't hungry anymore.

and was sick all night again anyway.

sigh. so today, i had a muffin around noon, because i was kinda getting hungry. now it's 5, and i have heartburn and nausea. how can i get nauseous when there should be the perfect amount of foodstuff in me?! not too much, not too little, a fricking blueberry muffin causes heartburn? gah.

i have no idea what to eat tonight. i'll probably just get soup somewhere. i've been day dreaming about making a big ol pot of my chicken/veggie soup, even though it is 90 bazillion degrees outside. my mom put the idea in my head, she loves my soup. i would love like a vacation where all i do is sleep in my house and make home-cooked meals. i love cooking, but just don't have enough energy to work and cook. can i take maternity leave and baby myself for a few weeks?