21 - Sunday

Yesterday I had a blast at paintball, even though it rained the entire time. This is probably TMI, but my overdrugging myself only took the edge off, and did not cure everything completely like i hoped it would, but I overcame those struggles and had fun anyway. I've been using the always infinity for protection, and carried a few of their freshening wipes they have now just in case. definitely made me feel more secure during the game. I just can't bring myself to wear the official adult protective stuff -- besides, most of that seems designed for different issues, not IBD.

I’m gonna have repercussions now for what I did to myself with medicine, so I had to wring every last bit of fun out of the moment to make the next few days worth it. I always have some immodium aftershocks, and between the saturday wedding and taking a megadose yesterday with a nulev chaser, i expect my body to bring the pain.

Foodwise, I took some risks but hopefully not too bad. yogurt for breakfast, an orange and 2 slim jims for lunch during the day, dinner was shrimp and scallop scampi with asparagus. it was served over rice, so I probs ate a few grains, but whatevs. also had cream of crab soup, which was sooo good! there were things in it that looked like noodles, but also coulda been pieces of crab or imitation crab, so since it was impossible for me to tell and they were yummy, i ate them. i know scd works best with fanatical adherence, but I can't maintain that level. I hope my 85-95 percent rule works out. I'm not gonna drive myself and everyone around me crazy 24-7. Control what I can, whenever I can, as much as I can, but accept what I cannot control. I'm not gonna refuse food because it's not perfect, but I'll try to get as close to perfect as possible.

20 - saturday

I was up and down all night. i felt like i got hit by a truck on saturday. according to the scale, I dropped 6 lbs. woo hoo! lol, i know it's just dehydration. but it was nice seeing 197.

i slept most of the day then got up for the wedding. not taking any chances, took immodium and grabbed the always. had an absolute blast! music and dancing was great, met total strangers and had fun conversations. bride and groom were lovely. i hope they like our gift -- i made amigurumi piggies based on the picture on their wedding website. The lady at the hallmark store thought they were cute. i might have to make one of my own to keep :)

I was good about food too. during cocktail hour, DH hunted down things that were legal and kept me away from temptation, mostly :) I did enjoy a few drinks. gotta live a little. I got the Chateaubriand entree, and it was so incredibly good! I could only eat half. In my old days, I woulda housed the whole thing, and the mashed potatoes. as it was, I did not stuff myself and just avoided the potatoes like they weren't even there. I did eat a roll though, because I haven't had freshly baked white bread anything since december. it was fabulously good! i hope i did enough dancing to burn most of it off :) I got pretty drunk off sweet tini's -- peach, peach, watermelon, more peach, plus champagne, gin and tonic, and more champagne. But then i had a kamikaze that was so sour, it took forever to drink and i sobered up. weird. Also, I did not eat any cake. I seriously wanted to, but gave into other temptations and could walk away from frosting goodness. go me!

19 - Friday

Friday night suuuuucked. I don't know what I did. it sucks that almost every friday night, when i finally get a chance to relax, i spend it trapped in the bathroom. maybe it takes time for scd to work, maybe it's just hopeless at this point. maybe i need to use steriods now and use the dietary changes to maintain remission. i just want a normal life. meh, not even a normal life, just a chance to play video games and not have to keep getting interrupted by my body. i have enough interruptions from everyone else!

18 and slacking

i've been slacking on blogging, i'm totally cranky today. I'm gonna backdate for the 29th and 30th, but i was more cheerful those days than today.

saw wolverine last night, it was awesome. but now i'm tired and cranky. also didn't have anything substantial to eat for breakfast (eggs and yogurt are gone, didn't want to eat farmer cheese at work). had two bananas though. chicken came out awesome. wish i brought some carrots though. this is definitely alot of work, glad i did a bunch of cooking last night.

somehow i am obsessed with dunkin donuts. all i want to do is go buy a dozen donuts and eat them all! seriously bad cravings. i went to sleep last night thinking what 12 would i pick. it's gonna be hard being good at the wedding and at paintball. maybe i should make some scd safe desserts to enjoy instead.

17

another day of nothing special. aside from back pain, but that might be due to the weather. still have that weird twitching by my right knee. i'm a little afraid of making plans and counting on more days like today, but i'm happy when i have them.

16

Tues night was rough, but that was probably due to giving in to that delish tomato soup.


another decent day. some aftershocks from eating weird at the meeting, but nothing too serious. got a little nervous going to knitting night, but i held up fine. food shopping was smooth.

15, part 2

not sure why, but last night was agonizing. but once it stopped, it was just the gnawing backpain again. then i was up until 3. but that might have been because i really really wanted to knit

15

pretty good overall, a bit tired when i got home, but think it's because it is so freaking hot. so far so good adding back mushrooms, green beans, pears, tomato soup.

too much coffee, had a starbucks iced coffee in the afternoon. but i put milk in it, so maybe that contributed. whatever, should probs avoid both. feel like i'm getting kicked in the back left side again. guess i'm getting back to normal. i gotta schedule that xray

day 14 - 2 week mark

slept most of the day, it was hot and i was lazy. aside from back pain, not too bad.

still symptomatic, which is annoying. wish i never took lialda.

day 13

another good day, got a little tired early, but no other problems. awesome. probably worn out from 80-90 degree weather all day. not used to that summertime heat yet.

well-behaved on food too - my host graciously made carb-free meatballs that were absolutely delicious, then i had a naked cheeseburger. also ate my carrot hummus and applesauce, and drank a few bottles of hard cider and coors light. also tried some 2-buck chuck cabernet. good stuff!

can't be good all the time :)

day 12 - friday curse?

so the last two fridays found me sick all night. would this friday be the same? in defiance of my diseases, i made plans anyway - shopping and dancing

during the day was fine at work, went shopping without incident. but after getting back to my sister's place, i was totally drained. i could force myself to go out, but i was low on energy on that point. but she was too, so i guess the shopping wore us both out. jersey gardens is freakin huge.

i was a little wired when i got home, my body was zonked but apparently my brain wasn't. eventually crashed out after a few hours of reading.

day 11 - the rain is gone

today is miles away from yesterday. slept like a rock, actually overslept, tremendous backpain, but i think that's just menstrual. it usually does that. ever hurt your back when you sneeze? funny how that pain used to seem so bad 5 years ago, and i would take bextra for it. now i'm like, oh hey, this pain is WAAAAAY better than that other pain i was having :)

still have little stabby stabbys in the abdomen, right and left. think they're just ordinary too. if they don't go away next week, I'll call the GI. I'm done googling symptoms, I keep reading that I have appendicitis, which I don't.

maybe venting my spleen last night helped clear the air. unbottled some stuff i've been marinating in for a while. feel a lot less stressed out today, but that also could be because i'm not being interrupted by my spastasticness every 15 minutes. also, I'm in the "hearts and flowers" stage of the cycle -- will be nice while that lasts.

day 10 - kill me now

woke up again at 3 am with urgency and pain and stayed up. decided not to go to work. spent the whole day sick or passed out on the couch. worst day ever. i don't think i've ever called out for UC before, but I just couldn't bear it today. ate yogurt and applesauce, and chicken soup. Bananas later in the day. considered going to the hospital but realized there was probably nothing they could do either.

calmed down in the evening, and went to dietician appointment with spouse. expressed my frustration and anger. felt bad because it was totally out of her scope. she suggested counseling. wondering if i should see another GI, but don't really want to. My GI understands that I don't want to use steroids. can't let one bad day throw a wrench into my long term plans. SCD for 3 months, if no improvement, ask for cortifoam or something. there's gotta be an alternative to oral steroid medication that prob has fewer side effects and won't adversely affect my diabetes control. Caught between Scylla and Charybdis

day 9

today sucked. my attempts to get things moving worked too well. then i couldn't stop. now there's bleeding again. dammit. and lots of pain. i took a nulev at lunch, stayed in because i was afraid to go out. had a few good hours at home, then was sick twice while trying to eat dinner. took another nulev. now drinking wine cause i need something enjoyable.

energy is good though, for being up since 4 am. brought wine into the house, took clothes out to my truck to be donated, brought rest of the wine into the house, set up the new wine rack, made dinner. as soon as i stopped, agony. fucking disease is really inconvenient.

tried adding back green beans today. i read something that it can take 3 weeks to see results. was that 3 weeks or 3 months? i'm gonna have to search my history. either way, i'm sticking it out. i don't want to go on steroids, i don't want surgery. i guess if i'm still having sucky days like this on a regular basis 3 months from now, i'll ask for the pred. but i really don't want to. i was in remission before, what happened!? i wasn't this bad when i was diagnosed. fuck.

so i didn't work out, but i got sweaty so it counts :) hopefully the dietician agrees tomorrow

day 8

aside from some aches and pains that were probably due to the rain, Monday went well. I'm really enjoying the return of fruits and veggies, even if it's just applesauce and carrots. I was superduper angry today, which i'm gonna ascribe to pms. i also decided to add back red wine, because not drinking for a week totally sucked. water is so boring.

then again, i slept terribly last night and did that wake up every hour bullshit. i gave up at 5 am. i think i just have a lot on my mind -- i dreamed about weighing myself on the scale and i kept stepping on at the wrong time and it gave me bad info. there was other stuff going on too, but all i remember is fighting with that damn scale to give me the right number, while all this other craziness was going on. like i carried it around with me everywhere. it kept telling me i was much lighter than i know i am. guess that's better than the alternative :)

day 7

alot has calmed down from yesterday. i got alot of kitchen work done, so i have new tasty treats. that's exciting :) i peeled off a nice chunk of my knuckle though, which threw a wrench into the clean up efforts.

instead of carrot salad, i tried to make it carrot hummus. i overspiced it. well, not really, i like spicy, but spicy makes me paranoid right now. but so far so good.

the applesauce is amazing! doesn't need to be sweetened at all.

poached pears are delicious - hope all that wine is ok, but supposedly red wine is fine. it just doesn't say when you can start drinking it again.

my fake tzimmes are grrrrrrrrrrreat. god i love butternut squash, and the maroon carrots made everything pretty

finished reading btvc already - quick read but good stuff. half the book is recipes, and i didn't read them all. kinda bummed that my spouse won't read it too.

so finally, i have stuff to eat that is not cheese, yogurt, or chicken soup. and i got to see the number 200 on the scale finally, though i'm back up to 203 this evening(i ate like a pig today)

day 6

I was sick all night Friday, and into Saturday, and most of the day saturday. It was so bad it woke me up in the middle of the night. I'm hoping that was from the "die-off" and it's over now. either that or the tomato i tried to eat - might've had seeds. who effing knows?

i stayed home saturday, too afraid to leave the house. i hate this.

day 5

kind of a bummer -- i tried to eat a small amount of red pepper, tomato, and onion last night and today i suffered. maybe wait a little bit longer i suppose.

i've really accepted being hungry. like last night i forgot to bring food to my mom's, and of course they don't have ingredients, just prepared foods. my mom had eaten already my sis wasn't hungry so I couldn't justify going to whole foods and cooking for us and cleaning it up (yeah, i'm a bit lazy -- but no sense in expending the energy for something she wouldn't enjoy). my sis thought they had eggs, and they did, but they had expired in january. not good eats.

so i didn't eat dinner until i got home at 11, and i was ok. not feeling bad, just hungry. like i'm hungry now. so i'm sipping broth. tonight i'll make some stuff so I'll have more variety next week, and portion out the soup instead of leaving it in these big containers that are hard to eat out of. and take out the goey gross knuckle things that i thought I strained out when i took out the bones. ewwwwww.

ideas for next week
chicken soup
moroccan carrot salad
poached pears
applesauce
scd cheesecake
yogurt
hardboiled eggs
banana pancakes

scd day 4

not sure if it's the return to asacol or the diet or a combo or just for no reason at all, but i've been feeling pretty good overall. not getting that midafternoon slump. not getting the midmorning omgiwanttodienowplease pain. i'm a little confused about how soon I can add foods back, but i'm doing some reading. i definitely need more variety -- i'm totally a snacker and right now the only snacks i have at work are hard boiled eggs and yogurt.

mmmmm, yogurt -- the whole milk stuff was ready for today and was so delicious.

i have been a bit of a space cadet, but not entirely in a bad way. before, i felt like a brain fog, or distracted due to being in pain, and now i just feel like, a little slow on the uptake. doesn't really bother me, i can focus and think and get things done, but i feel more mellowed out than usual. which is good, because i've been overly anxious for like ever.

and like every third word i think is like. i gotta snap out of that.

scd day 3

not alot of pain today, except for the stupid thing i did to my ankle. that weird pain in my left side is still there, but quieter than before. the new pain on my right side comes and goes. hopefully one day it'll go away and stay away just as suddenly as it started.

food is good but boring: yogurt, yogurt, chicken soup, chicken soup, scd cheesecake. Brought the soup to knitting night and discussed the diet and my various diseases with the other ladies. a bit of oversharing, but lots of laughs too. definitely have more energy than usual -- after knitting went food shopping, then some internet crap, then reading. BTVC arrived yesterday, along with the diabetes book, so I'm reading BTVC first since my a1c is 5.9. As long as it stays there, diabeetus will be taking a backseat to IBD.