sooo hungry

i can't believe how hungry I am vs how much i've eaten today. I think it's funny that I'm 100 lbs overweight, yet malnourished. my body is just programmed for pudge, like it holds on to all the fat and lets everything else fly. last night, i took all my night meds and settled in for sleep, and got this crazy craving to go back in the kitchen to eat. if it weren't for not wanting to risk screwing up my, ahem, topical steroid application, i woulda heated up the leftover chicken and gobbled it down. then each time i woke up at night, i was like "mmmm, chicken" and had to remind myself that if i ate anything, i would definitely not fall back asleep.

so according to my assigned diet that i was on before this flare started, i should be eating about 1500 calories a day to survive. and i was surviving on that just fine before i started slowly bleeding to death and had to go back on steroids. this is what i've eaten today, and i'm still hungry.

everything bagel with cream cheese (1.5 -- the deli guy dropped half of the original bagel on the floor, made me a new one, then also gave me the half that didn't fall)
banana
wendy's homestyle chicken filet sandwich (forgot to pack lunch and had meeting)
french fries (i'm naughty!)
unsweetened iced tea
boost shake
special k protein bar
a bazillion glasses of ice water

and this is after yesterday's glutton fest, so it's not like i'm doing that eat like a snake thing where you gorge then starve. no, i'm a freaking stomach with legs. i'm absolutely sick of myself.