Happy holidays!

I've been having a great holiday thanks to my awesome family, great boss, and fab new doc ( and percoset). I've been a lot less grinchy this year despite what this blog might reflect. Part of it must be not leaving the house much, so I avoided crowded stores, Xmas music everywhere, travel, you know all the stuff that is ok in small doses but adds up quick. Also, i've been so physically miserable, my standards are totally lowered. Like most days I had bleeding, excruciating pain, embarassing bowel activity, and pred side effects. But no more weekly needles - yay! And if I get a day with little to no blood- yay! And if I'm zombies out but not in pain - yay! I'm more accepting of cancelling and not making plans. My sis and her friends went out dancing last night. I would've loved to go. 3 months ago, I woulda forced myself to go. But instead I went home to knit and watch Johnny depp movies. And had a great night. After surgery, I'll be back out on the dancefloor. By my 31st birthday, I hope to be free of all this mess and be even better than before!

Last night was awesome. Had dinner with mom, sis, my godfather, my aunt, hubs, and a good friend who's like a brother. Fun convo, good food, they loved the hats I knit for them. My sis showed them the hat I made fir her bf's daughter and my mom kept going on about how impressed she was. It was my first fair isle attempt and it came out great. Her family thought I bought it. I love knitting. I get to enjoy creating something and the recipient gets to enjoy receiving something.

I guess the lesson of this season is to be gentle to yourself. People make themselves nuts with so much unnecessary drama. Having a physical limitation has forced me to slow down and take better care of myself. Sure, it's less exciting, but I give myself more time to be happy with simple things. I remind myself that this is all temporary, good and bad. It helps having a plan, a goal, a light at the end of the tunnel. And instead of shouldering it alone, I've reached out to my family. Now that I have a plan I've accepted, it's easier for me to tell them everything and not worry about upsetting them or making them worry. It's beens so hard for hubs watching me every day and not bring able to really help. I didn't want to put more people thru that if I could avoid it. It's weird being seriously ill with something nonfatal. It's like, yes I'm totally sick as hell, but I'll just suffer, no dying. I feel like such a complainer. It's not like it's cancer or something terminal, but it sucks being a lab rat for so long. I'd just like to be a normal human again. Ok, normal-ish :)

So 2010 is already going to be better than 2009. I love our prez - thanks to the CARD act, my credit cards can't screw with my apr and due dates anymore, thanks! When Obama comes on the news, I don't have to cringe. When I see the first lady, I see an intelligent powerful woman, not a botoxed out stepford wife. Health care reform might not be all it's cracked up to be, but can't be worse than what we have now- and at least if I lose my job and need to get coverage, I should be able to even though I'm a sick puppy. Healthwise, process of elimination is almost complete. I may be out of options to try, but that also means the experiment is almost over. Recovery from surgery opens an entirely new chapter. I'm hoping that it will be like when I finally had sinus surgery - no more migraines, no more sinus infections, no more asthma meds. Plus, I'll never have to do a colonoscopy prep again - yay!


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