i miss coffee

omg i miss coffee. the last month, i've woken up every day with a hangover, but not from drinking. then i'm nauseous all day (unless i take zofran, then i have heartburn instead), and i'm just cranky and tired and irritable. I'm dumber than usual too, just this total brain fog that i'm not even aware of until i catch my stupid mistakes later. May sucked donkey balls.

my average bg is in the 300-400 range, even after upping metformin to 2000mg/day, so now i'm on basal insulin. the insulin shots are sooo easy! omg, i have a levemir flexpen, and it has the itsy bitsiest needles -- you just crank the knob to your unit dose, insert needle, and push. feels like nothing. humira and procrit both burned, hurt, poked, ouch. shooting insulin is easier and less painful than the stupid finger prick for the glucose reading. my cortenemas are more painful than my insulin shots.

i'm hoping getting the blood sugar under control will help how disgusting i feel, because the UC is in fake remission again. so i hope to taper off oral steroids and see how that goes. hopefully be off steroids by the fall. might have to be on insulin and whatnot for a while even after i stop taking pred, but as long as the bg numbers come down and the uc symptoms don't come back, i'll be a happy camper.

also, that ent dude i saw was totally wrong in March, and I had a raging nasty sinus infection this whole time. just got done with a course of ceftin, after my awesome ent surgeon put rubber hose up my nose and cleaned out a ton of nastiness. ugh, i totally almost puked when she showed me. she also prescribed these nasal rinses, which feel really weird, but hopefully help keep things nice and clean. my general doc said between the high blood sugar and the immunomodulators, i'm a potential walking petri dish. i'm hoping i don't have to start putting steroids up my nose, because that would be just ridiculous.

and in other news, my big event is this weekend. hopefully i have enough drugs and helping hands to get me through it.

i feel like i'm hanging on by my fingernails. i see the ent for a follow up next week, then dr. awesome at mt sinai. i'm so tempted to take a week vacation to just stay in bed and do nothing -- i'm so freaking tired. i'm constantly running around and convinced i'm forgetting something. i'm tired of taking care of myself, of poking myself and making decisions and trying to figure out how to not start puking everywhere -- as soon as I try to do anything, i get all sick all over. the idea of going to mt sinai for a week of other people poking me with stuff and telling me what to do sounds so relaxing