an ode to prednisone

Ah, my sweet sweet fiend.
My bitter brittle pill.
Light on the wallet but hard on the bones,
how I adore you and despise you at once.
My fear of you made me into a fool and weeks of summer were lost
chasing a monoclonal dream
when my relief was sitting silent nearby --
small, white, round and mere cents per pill.


back in July, i wrote myself a remission wishlist. since i've been back from FL and on pred, let's see how we stack up:

1. no gurgling monster sounds and feelings in my guts -- Check
2. no rectal meds -- Check
3. no accidents while sneezing -- Check
4. no urgent running to the bathroom -- Check
5. no waking up in the middle of the night to run to the bathroom -- almost Check
6. no anemia, no fatigue, no more zombiedays -- almost Check
7. being able to eat veggies, even if they haven't been cooked to death -- haven't tried yet
8. being able to eat slightly spicy things without praying for death -- almost Check
9. being able to eat seeds, fruit/veg with skins, whole-grain foods -- haven't tried yet
10. being able to not have my life revolve around what goes in and what comes out. -- almost check

The thing that sucks about experimenting with Remicade meant that I had to NOT take steroids in order to verify whether or not the Remicade was working. I wish I had just stayed on steroids all summer instead. The last 4 months were simply awful, and I feel dumb in a way. Like it could have all been avoided if I didn't rush to get off steroids so quickly. yeah, it's fake remission, but it is so nice to feel normal! except for the heartburn, extreme hunger, nightsweats and insomnia, i can forget there's anything wrong with me. i've reduced from 40 mg to 30 mg since i've gotten back, and so far i've had no accidents, no close calls, no agony at work. i'm not checking my blood sugar, because i don't really care right now. my hyper-vigilance about my stupid diabetes made me rush to get away from this drug. sure i'm waiting for the humira to work, and i'll keep slowly tapering off, but you better believe that if any of that UC garbage comes back, i'm stopping the taper. i'm not giving up this quasi-remission, no effing way.

the weirdest thing has been the complete inversion of color. seriously. it looks like i ate a box of green crayons and a bag of lawn trimmings. i think it's the iron supplement, but it's freaky.