tantrum

i'm so pissed. i had to go back to 30 mg of pred. i was so ill this morning, just like the bad old pre-6mp days. is this shit even working?? fuckity fuck!

i was really hoping to be off the roids by my b-day, then start loosing this disgusting weight i gained. i'm a freaking whale. i got nasty stretch marks everywhere and just look totally gross. what i wouldn't do to be back at 170 lbs. gee, i used to think i was fat back then, lol

i'm cutting all my hair off on saturday. i'm bald on one side from my stupid ocd hair pulling. the pulling is bad, but now the hair isn't growing back the way it used to. i'm just so frustrated. i make plans and start to feel like a normal person, then this monster inside starts chewing on my guts and sending me back to square one. i'm so freakin tired. i slept all day sunday. everyday i wake up and just want to go back to sleep.